Hiding the Pain...and Moving Forward..

I'm not so sure how to describe how i'm feeling all the time...so I don't ever try to. I like to bottle up everything..it's just how I deal with pain. I hide my sadness, stress, and fear. I don't want people to see me break down, ever. I get told over and over that it isn't a good way to deal with my emotions but i've never really had anyone here with me all the time that I can talk to. Living with guys in the house is kinda hard...you learn to do things differently then most girls would. You grow up not knowing what girls would go through until it happens. I have my girlfriends..but I don't want to bug them with all my stupid problems so once again I hide the pain. I'm used to it though. I've been doing it for so many years that its just part of my daily life. I smile and pretend i'm okay, when in reality i'm just dying to cry out for help.



I like to do everything on my own. I won't except anything from anyone because I like to do it by myself. Don't ask to help me because I won't except your help. I'm independent and I will always be. Since I don't ever want help, I tend to learn the hard way with everything. I know it's stupid, but thats the way it is for me. I grew up without a mom, and went through tough times with my family. I don't really have the same life style as most girls. I didn't get a choice weather I got to see my mom or not...but what I do get to decide is where I take my life. So i'm going to keep on moving forward...even if I hit some bumps in the road..I'll stay on the path...and hope my life will last.

Perfectly Imperfect

Okay so I suck at writing, get over it. I'm not so good at relationships, too bad. You like me? well don't...I'm to complicated for you. I'm perfectly imperfect. People fail to see the real me. They see the girl who is all put together, no worries, no problems. They don't realize that inside i'm breaking down. I don't tell people how I feel. I keep everything to myself because I'm scared of what people think of me. I usually keep my heart closed..until I met him. I'm a country girl inside, although i love the city. I have strong values, don't mess with them. I don't hate anyone and never will. I won't judge you..unless you judge me. No ones ever figured me out, and they never will. I have a caring heart that is usually broken. I don't let anyone see me cry...because I don't want them to think I'm weak. Most of the time i'm confused about how I feel. My life is always messed up and never happy, but I tend to smile anyways. I like to see things as a fairytale...until I have to come back to reality. I love to wish on stars and pretend my wish will come true. I believe in second chances...most times. I don't stand for hurtful words..so don't bother saying them. I paint...it's my life. I love to sing and write songs...but I don't tell anyone, or let them hear me sing. I never get mad..there is no point. If I could live on a cloud I would( I love heights). I'd do anything to get a rush...it's exciting. I love gerber daisies...they remind me of my mom. I don't match my socks, ever..don't make fun of me. I'm different then everyone else. I know that im not perfect and I know that i'll never be, but i'm proud of who I am. I am who I am and i'm not changing for no one!..